Momhood at a Year

I've been under no illusions that parenthood is a walk in the park.  Since Jason and I were later to the baby-having game than nearly everyone else in our lives, we've had a front row seat as sisters and close friends have navigated the treacherous waters between Dual Income, No Kids and parenthood in all its glory.  We knew it would be hard.  We knew we would be tired.  We knew it would be forever.  We knew everything.would.change.

But no amount of knowing prepares you for doing it.

I have one kid.  He's a great kid, too--cheerful, naps like a champ, applauds when I come home from work.  And still today I found myself spinning like a top.  I made breakfast.  I scrubbed tomatoes (which were apparently not on Henry's Top Ten list today) off the floor on my hands and knees.  I changed the sheets and did two loads of laundry.  I danced to Veggie Tales music.  I organized a girls' night out.  I made baked oatmeal for a playdate, and then I was at least 17 minutes late to pick up Dawn and co. for said playdate.  I packed a lunch.  I failed to pack extra clothes for Henry and therefore strapped him into his carseat wearing only a hoodie and a diaper after he gloriously peed through his overalls.  I consulted on a press release.  I sewed burp cloths for a friend and wrapped her shower gift.  I read "Peek-a-Hoo" three times and "Alice in Wonderland" at least twice.  I responded to requests for meetings next week.  I made a lot of animal sounds.  I kissed and consoled a head bumped against the coffee table and the floor and the grass.  I made dinner.  I cleaned the bathrooms and swept the floor (again).  I completely stopped what I was doing three times during the day to nurse a baby.

And at 4 o'clock, I grabbed a magazine, a glass of water, and the baby monitor and just.about.sat.down on the deck...and, just like has happened nearly every one of the past 354 days, Henry woke up.  I was exhausted.  And I only have one kid.

As we close in on the one year mark of parenthood, though, I was reflecting today on how far Jason and I have come as parents.  I would have been horrified, for example, to strap a pant-less Henry into his car seat last summer, and it really wasn't that long ago that it took an entire week, not a morning, to finish two loads of laundry.  When Henry was first born, I wanted to cry at the thought that I might never eat a hot meal again, but these days I don't even notice if my dinner is still warm when I sit down to it.  Today I nursed Henry in the car without a second thought and pulled a binky out of my bag at precisely the right moment.  And tonight Jason, Henry, and I sat together on the deck and ate salmon zucchini, and quinoa like a real family.

I watch my sisters juggle three kids each, and while they don't necessarily make it look easy, they pull it off beautifully.  But it is hard.  But it is good, too.  Harder than the old life, but the colors are deeper and truer and richer.  Even if I am so tired I can barely crawl up the stairs to take out my contacts. 

Henry at Eleven Months

Dear Henry--

Most of the pictures I took of you for this month are bum-shots of you headed in the other direction.  You are mobile and loving it.  Dad and I are loving it, too--now that our 12-hour flights to and from Hawaii are behind us, we are very happy to have you crawling.  You love being able to go wherever you want and explore our house...and we are right behind you, catching all the things we missed with our babyproofing!

We don't have a weight or height for this month, but I know that my biceps continue to get stronger (but not feeling stronger) and your clothes have suddenly shrunk.  It snowed here this week (what?!?),  but you'd never know it by this outfit, which is a good inch too short, and the bare feet, since taking off your socks is a diaper change ritual (I think you like to watch me go crawling for them after you intentionally drop them behind the changing table.  Nice.)  You definitely had a growth spurt this month!  (And your hair keeps growing, too--the days of your baldness are history!)

Now that you can crawl, you have quickly figured out how to get into your own toy box.  It's fun to watch you play with your toys in a whole new way now--stacking blocks, putting things in holes, pushing buttons you couldn't get before.  You still love to read and to pick out your own books.  Right now your favorites are "Goodnight Moon," "Peek-a-Who," and the rainbow ribbon book.  (I keep trying to squeeze "Pride and Prejudice" in there...)  And you love to play with Dad on the floor.

The other day I was singing "Deep and Wide" with you and you were laughing and watching me be silly, and I suddenly flashed back to doing the same thing with you when you were just a couple months old.  It's strange to think that was only a little while ago--what a different boy you are!  I can't believe that we are only a few weeks away from your first birthday...

Love,
Mama

Girly Girl

Isn't little Olivia RaVae the sweetest thing you've ever seen?  We are so, so excited to have her in our family!  She had a dramatic entrance yesterday morning, coming a couple weeks earlier than expected so that Kim had to be flown via helicopter to Spokane to give birth (they wanted Olivia to be born at a hospital with a good NICU just in case).  Casey is such an awesome, proud dad.  I love it.  We've been waiting for this little girl!

I showed Henry Olivia's picture this morning and he smiled and giggled.  I think he will like having this new friend, and I like having a new niece!

Henry at Ten Months

Dear Henry,

Right now Month 10 feels like a hard one, since you have been so sick for the past couple of weeks.  We have spent a lot of time reading books and cuddling and visiting the doctor...and a lot of hours in the night rocking and rocking and rocking.

But when you're well, you are so much fun!  You are a good eater, devouring any number of things we put in front of you, and if your obsession with chicken taco meat is any indication, you seem to have your daddy's taste--the more flavor the better.  I feel like feeding you takes up most of our day again, since you like to feed yourself (yay for Mama getting to eat lunch, too!), but you take your sweet time.

You've finally added a front-scoot to your backwards crawl.  It is hilarious.  You have to work pretty hard, so you only use it when you really want something, and it makes you look like a guy out of a Western who has been shot and is dragging himself to water.  You've also discovered the joys of throwing something and watching it bounce...or, in most cases, watching Mommy or Daddy pick it up again for you.

After months of mastering one sound at a time (ya-ya-ya, ma-ma-ma, buh-buh-buh), you are suddenly a babbly chatterbox.  I suspect that is why mealtimes take so long...  And you are SUCH a fan of your daddy.  I try not to be offended when you attempt to leap out of my arms and into his.

While you love your daddy (and your mama, I know), you are in full-fledged stranger anxiety mode.  Extra fun, since we not only had lots of friends visit recently, but you just started with a new nanny.  It takes you a bit of time to adjust to someone new, but so far your nanny, Lissette, is proving to be the answer to prayer we needed!

We love you gobs and gobs, Henry.

Love,
Mama

As it should be.

We had a weekend full of good moments.  Our dear, dear friends the Kings and the Gambills were, impossibly, both in town, and I feel happily filled up with good conversation, laughter, baby snuggling, and cozy friendship.  I have felt a bit adrift as these families, who have been such a big part of our lives for years, moved away, and having them all in my house again for an evening...well everything was just as it should be.

Kind of like this, only better.

Steven, Amy, and boys stayed with us, and we spent Friday ice skating at the Sculpture Garden rink on the National Mall.  Light snow, picturesque backdrop, warming up with hot chocolate--only Amy could have planned it all so perfectly.

 

Henry snuggling up to Amy

Friday night Brent, Tilly, and crew joined us for dinner.  It was little boys and babies all over the place!  We had three new additions since we had been together last, and it was so fun to see all these babies--who were born 12 days apart from each other--together at last!  Henry, who leads a pretty quiet life most of the time, was not. sure. about all this chaos, especially since his little friends are crawling all over the place while he watched uncertainly from a secure seated position!  In spite of his reticence, some of my favorite moments of the weekend were watching Hudson and Carter, both two, hug, kiss, and play kindly with Henry.  I love watching my friends love on my baby and getting a chance to snuggle their kids in return!

Babies on the go

 

Nora and Rusher

Tilly, Amy, and I put the kids to bed and settled in for a good chat while the guys headed to Jason's hockey game, where they were joined by more of Jason's fan club.  While they lost in overtime, Jason's team had a roaring fan section cheering them on!  And somehow Amy and I were still up when they got home from a post-game visit to IHOP...

Jason with his fan club

Reading with Carter and Hudson

We spent Saturday night with other friends from church, and it felt so fun and normal to laugh together!  Everyone in our little group had babies in a little over a year, and the two- and three- and four-year old crowd quickly became fast friends again.  So fun.  And today everyone was in Sunday school, and Amy told a funny story and I heard Brent laughing across the room, and ah.  It warmed the cockles of my heart.

Kiddos galore!

 

It has been hard to lose these friends, with whom we've celebrated and prayed and laughed and grown.  But it was nice this weekend, as we started planning our next time together, to be reminded that we haven't lost them at all.  I have begun to see that God has been creating space in my life for relationships he is calling me to, but that I get to keep these special friendships, too.

Sick Week

I'm boiling binkies right now, and washing blankets and scrubbing toys, trying to get the "sick" out of this house.  Poor Henry.  We spent all of last Thursday night trying to manage a blazing fever, rocking and rocking in the chair, and ever since then his face has been oozing tears and snot and drool .  It's been a tough week for him...and his mama and daddy.  It's like having a newborn again, and we, who thought we were past the worst of the sleep deprivation, find ourselves ill-equipped to handle it this time around.

This is how we've spent the week, since his fever hasn't gone away in days (though the second round of antibiotics seems to be working...finally).  He's a miserable little creature.

Sick days provide an opportunity gauge how I am coming along as a mother.  It was encouraging to find that it was easy to give up my list of things to do and people to see on Friday and instead just sit in a chair and hold Henry while he slept.  Newborn Mama Missy would have tried to make it all happen and then felt like a failure when the floor wasn't mopped.  I've learned that sick babies are for snuggling, and Snuggly Henry doesn't come around often.

Maybe it's just because now I have a kid and am paying more attention, but I swear all the kids I know around here have been sick for the entire winter.  I felt like perhaps we'd had a reprieve, but now I've joined the list of moms praying for spring...

V-Day

Happy Valentine's Day from Henry.

Henry at Nine Months

Dear Henry,

I'm listening to you talking to your blankie as you settle in for your afternoon nap.  It is so fun that one of your favorite things in your little world is the blanket that I knit for you, and your special "blankie" chuckle is so funny.

 

I can't believe we are at nine months.  At nine months you are such a little person.  You are so smiley and happy.  You are busy busy and always moving.  And you know what you like...and what you don't like!  You like, for some reason, to sit on the kitchen floor, and you like to roll your truck around.  You like bread and shredded cheese.  You like splashing in the bathtub, and you like to be picked up.  You like any necklace that I'm wearing and playing with my water bottle.  And you do not like when I take the water bottle away (cue the first temper tantrum, awesome).  You don't like having your face washed.  You don't like being left alone in a room too long.

 

You may not be in a full-fledged crawl yet, but we finally put up the baby gates, since your backwards scoot gets you about anywhere you want...and a few places you don't want, like under the couch and stuck under the folding chair in your room.  You are a great eater--and like your dad, you seem to prefer dishes with lots of flavor (last night you chowed down chicken curry) over things that are plain jane (you have to be coaxed into green beans).  At your nine month appointment, you weighed in at 20 lbs 2 oz (50th %) and are 30.35 inches high (95th % and going strong!).

Last night I snuck into your room to check on  you before I went to bed.  Your binky had fallen out and your arms were open wide, and your long eyelashes were spread out on your cheeks, and I was overwhelmed with you all over again.  Happy nine months, Baby Boo.

Love,
Mama

2013

Hello, 2013.  Here it is, the end of your first week, and my last published blog entry is dated November.  No, we have not yet figured out how to post more new pics yet (I got this one by deleting a couple duplicates), so yes, there are a few entries waiting in the wings.  I hope to wrap up 2012 before we are too deeply into this new year.  Hope...

I am a strange mix of relief and regret over the fact of January this year.  December was chaotic, what with Jason away for two weeks and me back at work and Henry in the midst of resolving some angst about daycare.  I feel like I didn't quite live up to my hopes for Henry's first Christmas season.  It got too blurry and busy.  We completely failed to go see Santa.  We don't have a single picture of the three of us in front of our tree.  For the sixth year in a row, our neighbors did NOT get cookies.  I feel a bit like we spent the whole month of December prepping and planning and getting it all ready, and then we ran out of time to sit by our tree and just soak it in.  So the lights inside are down but the lights outside are up, and in the in-betweeny time that is late-December/early-January, my own angst is starting to wane.

My goal for 2013 is to simplify--as in, decide what is actually important and then let. the rest. go.  Should be interesting.  I'm not good at letting the rest go.  At all.  But when I manage it, I find it easier to be joyful, and my goal for 2013 is also to be joyful.

Henry's favorite book is "Hello, Bear," hands down.

There are a lot of quiet things going on in our house.  I've finally found a place in our kitchen for sippy cups, and we cleared out a section of the bookshelf for "Hello, Bear" and other new favorites.  Jason is playing his Christmas computer game, which means we've officially turned a corner in this "having a kid" life and are no longer just in survival mode.  Today I finally tucked away Henry's 0-3 month clothes--which, like January, was also accompanied by a weird mix of sadness (a little) and relief (a lot).  We stayed up too late watching Downton Abbey last night (so worth the two cups of coffee today).  One of my January (and February, and March) projects is a new baby afghan with pink in it--we always knew Casey was destined to have girls!

I've been obsessively reading Harry Potter again (which has, incidentally, shown me every single crevice of free time in my day (and a few times when I should be feeding my baby or emptying the dishwasher instead of reading) during which I could read a different book later).  I shifted to part time last week, working one day a week for now (and two days a bit later)--I almost choke on my panic every time I think about it, but if I can just learn to let the rest go, it might actually work.  Jason and I got a babysitter and went out to one of our favorite DC restaurants on Saturday.  Everything about it--food, conversation, using a regular purse--was mind blowing.  At home, we've been eating a lot of soup lately.  Soup, and roasted vegetables.  Henry somehow ended up on his hands and knees for a brief moment today, and my life flashed before my eyes. 

Anyway, there's a snapshot (without, incidentally, many snapshots).  Happy new year!

Henry at Eight Months

Dear Henry,

These pictures were taken at nap time--on a Sunday, no less--but I am posting them anyway, banking on the hope that your whining face can kind of look like a smiley face in the right light.  No matter.  Eight months, my little friend--this is my favorite age.

You have doubled or quadrupled your bag of tricks this past month.  You roll.  You scoot backwards.  You play patty-cake and peek-a-boo.  You clap (new trick yesterday!).  You talk, with your "yayaya"s breaking out all over.  You jump like crazy in your jumperoo and tear the toys on your bouncy seat limb from limb (the sad day when we can no longer strap you on the bouncy seat is imminent...).  You grab everything.  And oh, do you laugh.  You have the funniest sense of humor.

I get asked a lot if you are crawling (or walking, even!).  You are not.  While you roll, you prefer to roll back and forth rather than over and over.  While you scoot, you either scoot backwards by inches or around in a circle.  I'm more than happy with your current state of limited mobility, by the way.  I realize that one day suddenly you are going to take off and it is all going to be over.

While you may be watching from a stationary position while all your little friends crawl all over you, I have been extremely impressed by the dexterity of your little fingers.  You easily mastered picking up pieces of food, and I love watching you concentrate on an intricate toy (or necklace).  It is fun to imagine the things you will do with those little hands as you grow older.

To Dad's and my relief, you had a major breakthrough in sleeping this month--not only are you sleeping a little later, but you have stopped waking up multiple times a night.  Hooray for you!  And hooray for Dad and me, seriously.  And to my relief, you are a great eater and growing like crazy--18 lbs 4 ounces this week, and I think you grow an inch a week!  You had been stuck in your 3-6 month clothes much longer than expected, but suddenly you have rocketed into the 6-12 month ones, and we are again adjusting your stroller straps and the height of the jumperoo.  I don't get too terribly sentimental about your waning babyhood, but the other day I realized that the little jeans I bought you before you were born were all high-watery, and I got a little sad.

Daddy and I were talking this morning about how lucky we are to have you as our kid.  You are so much fun.  You have a funny, sweet, pleasant disposition.  You are easy to take places, and I have such a good time with you when we are home.  Happy eight months, Henry Hoo!

Love,

Mama

...and there goes November...

I am chasing months by the tail these days.  I've failed thus far to blog about all the things that happened in October, and now I really don't know where November disappeared to.  I swear I barely changed my calendar over, and December is two days away.

Oh, and possibly worth noting:  whatever accidental hiatus this blog has been on has been exaccerbated by the fact that we've apparently reached our photo limit on Google, and figuring out what to do next hasn't been a top priority. I foresee a day of massive posts once we figure that out...

Here are a few random things for now:
*  We've had a crazy week here, since Jason is at a leadership training event all week and Henry decided it might be a good week to get a cold.  It's 7 pm, and if I had already eaten dinner I would be crawling into bed right now.  Still, I am finding myself increasingly empowered by facing the challenges of parenthood and conquering them (finding a hotel in Denver at 2 am when your flight almost gets to Boise and then can't land because of the fog?  Check.).  And increasingly humbled by asking for help and receiving it.

*  This right here is one of the best things I've ever seen on the internet.  Ha.  Love it.

*  Among the many things I love about Henry right now is the fact that he can sit in a cart out of his car seat.  It is nice to be able to go to Costco and Trader Joe's and actually fit stuff in my cart again.

*  I'm on the verge of making these amazing cookies again (if I could just clean the baby snot off of everything for a few minutes).  We're doing a Christmas cookie exchange this weekend, and there is a wee part of me that wants to make crappier cookies for everyone else and keep these all to myself...

*  During Jason's absence I've been watching Clueless again for the first time in years.  It is like reliving my senior year.  Totally existential.  Why are movies from high school and college generally so much better than movies now?  (Although we did watch Sherlock Holmes last weekend.  Lurve.)

*  Here's the thing:  I am so tired of talking about spit-up and poop.  So why do I keep bringing it up?  

*  I confess that we did not love making Thanksgiving dinner this year.  Nothing turned out quite as good as last year (and the gravy turned out way worse), but it was still as much work.  And then we ate leftovers for literally six meals straight (including apple pie for breakfast).  Best. Thing. Ever.  Why don't we make turkey more often?!?


There you have it.  And now I am going to clean up the spit-up that is all over the kitchen floor (!!!), go make myself some waffles, crawl into bed, and read Harry Potter until my eyes are too heavy to open.

A Brief Pause

Jason made me waffles tonight, a real treat, and I ate them along with an entire chocolate bar he brought me from Belgium.  We arrive home tonight after two weeks away, and it was a pretty good meal, considering all we had in the fridge was an empty carton of milk and some overly ripe potatoes.  It's nice to be home, even though I never like leaving Idaho when Jason is already there and not waiting for me in Virginia.

My sisters and I resolved to start acting like adults with little kids when I come to visit, rather than girls who want to go shopping with their mom (since, even though we DO want to go shopping with our mom, it is just so not as fun with seven kids running circles around us).  But sometimes when I'm home it's easy to forget about being the wife/mother/grown-up and think instead about the girl who had a round trip ticket to DC and back and somehow never used the return flight.  It still feels familiar to hear the shower turn loudly on in the morning and the sound of the cuckoo clock chiming the late night hour.  And it's strange to think that the baby next door in Shaanti's room is mine.

Henry changes a lot when we are gone for so long.  For starters, now that he is serious about his solid foods, he has put on some real weight--which is a nice change after gaining an entire ounce in the course of the previous two months (oh the stress I've been under the past few weeks!).  He is giggly and happy and practically sitting up on his own, and with his two new vampire teeth he looks hilarious and cute.  He is a good traveler...though traveling with a six-month-old is trying at the best of times.  We came home with five bags (five!), full of hand-me-downs and Christmas presents and new clothes I don't need but which go perfectly with my fall boots (there was SOME shopping with Mom, after all).  The days of traveling without checked bags are really, really over.

We're tucking into bed now, even though it feels like 8:00 to me (especially since Mom and I stayed up too late watching Downton Abbey the past two nights).  After being sick for over a month, I finally got some antibiotics and feel like a new person.  Our bags are mostly unpacked, though there are a few leftover toiletries and unwashed travel baby food containers scattered throughout the house.  I head back to work tomorrow, so we have daycare bags and work bags packed and soup ready to go in the crockpot.  Our weekend is already packed, and I wonder what it would be like to be home and not have company and not have a million obligations, even though I like company and the obligations on the calendar.  Settling in will probably take a bit.  I'll get reacquainted with my friends and work through some loneliness for my sisters and my mom and dad.  But I'm reading Harry Potter again, and celebrating the holidays early has made me extra excited for Christmas, and it's nice to be back in our little home and in our own beds. 

There is much blogging to be done--not only from our recent trip/s, but from basically the whole month of October.  It will come.  But until then, just a brief pause to say we are home and good night.

Henry at Six Months

Dear Henry--

I'm not sure where your sixth month has gone.  I think we spent it in a fog of sickness that started with you (poor baby), then moved to Daddy, then settled in with me for over a week now.  Blech!  Apparently a three-person household spreads germs more efficiently than a two-person one!  Lucky for you, though, we still wouldn't trade you for anything.

I love you at six months.  You've finally gotten serious about rolling from front to back (tummy time is a pretty short-lived exercise these days) and are sooo pleased with your self each time you accomplish a roll.  You're getting closer and closer to the back-to-front roll, but so far you are not overly motivated to become mobile.  I'm enjoying it while I can.

You are such a people person.  You love to catch people's attention (not hard, cuz your pretty cute) and then let a smile completely take over your face.  You've started holding out your arms when you want to be picked up, and you have mastered the art of using a charming, adorable smile and a giggle to get what you want.  It's pretty funny (and kind of annoying, since it's pretty hard not to give in).

This past month you started eating rice cereal.  You are hungry earlier in the mornings, and we have to act quickly to keep you from stealing the food right off of our plates, so we figured it was time.  You cut two more teeth last week (vampire teeth, just in time for Halloween), which means you probably think you're ready for steak!  Your first cereal meal was hilarious--you could not chomp down on the spoon fast enough.  You are still long and lean (while you grew another inch and a half since your last appointment, you didn't gain any weight to speak of), so here's hoping the cereal beefs you up a bit...and buys Dad and I a few extra winks in the morning.

Oh!  And it appears you have finally stopped losing hair and started growing some!  Your dark newborn hair is almost gone, with only a few more weird long Gollum-strands left.  Your genes leave you little option but to be a tow-head, and true enough, blond fuzz is cropping up all over your head.  I love it.

I love the little person you are becoming.  You have pretty strong opinions about things that aren't exactly the way you want them, and you let everyone know.  When we lay you in your bed at night, you like to stick out your tongue, straighten out, and tap dance until we wrap you up.  The other morning I woke up at 4 in the morning to the sound of you talking to yourself in bed.  You actually have favorite books--while we read lots of things, "Hello, Bear" and the BabyLit "Alice in Wonderland" never get old.  And you giggle like crazy when I give you Eskimo kisses.  I can't wait to see what kind of kid you turn out to be.

Love,
Mama

The Pumkpin Patch

In a quintessential fall moment, we spent last Saturday with the Pattersons at the pumpkin patch.

Carly and Kevin, scouting out the patch

We'd intended to go apple picking, but apparently it is too late for apples the first weekend of October?!?  Weird crop season (when I conversationally commented on this, I got a long lecture from the proprietor about how crops depend on the weather and the seasons are different every year, blah blah I have a garden too blah).  Luckily they had enough pre-picked ones left for at least a pie and a good batch of applesauce.
 

Mad because he wanted to stand.

I put Henry in an adorable pumpkiny hat for the occasion.  I had originally bought a 0-6 month size but had to exchange it for 6-12 months after I tried it on him and it looked like his ridiculously small newborn hospital hat.  Apparently the kid's head is coming into its own.  Anyway, he looked adorable, in spite of Jason's derisive snorts.

 

Missy and I with our little pumpkin heads

We may not have been able to pick apples, but we did pick pumpkins, kale, lettuce, and potatoes.  Afterward we took our picnics to a nearby winery, then packed up tired kids and headed home. 

Digging taters

With all our produce

Such a perfect day, and we loved spending it with good friends.  We've been eating kale and apples ever since.